Welcome to Tattoo On Food

Hello and welcome to Tattoo on Food. I am Tattoo and this is my blog about a life gourmand.

Looking up gourmand in Wikipedia, it tells me the expression was used in the past not to describe someone simply as passionate about food and wine, but rather someone more so obsessed with gluttony. "A person given to the excess in the consumption of food and wine" to use their words exactly. Strangely I don't mind falling under either definition.

The real love of food is a passion, and for those like me, an obsession. Call it gluttony if you must, but finding room for the 11th course of a degustation is not gluttony, rather the accommodating nature of love. Who would ever want to feel guilt as a result of the culinary Nirvana obtained from eating wonderful foods like sweet, silken, rich foie gras, rinsed with the perfect acidity of an incredibly long and mouth filling Sauternes. Even the pleasure of an M&M peanut or a cheeseburger!

If a life gourmand can be gluttonous in consumption then by the same token it can also be gluttonous in production. Is it not true the great chefs and wine makers of the world have given themselves in excess to their obsession? An obsession we thank them dearly for.

Tattoo On Food (T.O.F) is about discussing the love of food. I will write recipes for dishes I have made, I will review restaurants I have visited and I extend an invitation for you all to do the same. T.O.F will also review wines, offer culinary advice or simply discuss anything relating to the gastronomic world. I will also be inviting my gourmet friends for interviews, to give recipes or just talk about anything food or wine.

My background is as a chef and waiter but do not hold that against me. My love of food is as a personal consumer not a professional producer. There is, however, no better feeling received from giving, than the feeling received when the gifts are from your own hands.

As I live in the South West of Victoria, T.O.F will have a focus on the restaurants and produce of this area, yet T.O.F is not exclusively about this region and I invite the world to join me.


Welcome to Tattoo on Food and I look forward to your next visit,


Tattoo

How to Poach an Egg

It is one of the first questions asked of me by people when they find out I can cook – How do you poach an egg? It surprises me a bit though that such an honestly simple task can be so difficult for some. But it is really such a simple thing to do that I believe everyone should be able to poach an egg.

There are two key factors that need to be understood to perform this task well. The first is how fresh the egg is and the second is the temperature of the water.

The freshness of the egg is so important. The fresher the egg the stronger the proteins that make up the white, which means when the egg is cooked, the white part will neatly and firmly hold itself together.

If you have ever poached an egg and the white has broken up into stringy bits this because the egg was not fresh.

The reason the egg white breaks up is because the proteins which form the egg white deteriorate over time. So when these proteins which are like little chains hit the water, rather than clinging together as they would when they’re fresh and responsive they end up breaking apart because they are old and weak. Leaving a pancake looking egg or worst case the yolk abandoned by the white all together.

The second factor, water temperature, is arguably more important than the first, as getting this wrong can wreck even the freshest of eggs. One of the things you learn at trade school as apprentice is to be able to identify the temperature of water when it is around boiling point by observing it.

When water is rapidly boiling, meaning it is moving around vigorously with bubbles bursting on top it is at 100 degrees. If you turn the heat down and the bubbles start to stop but the water still gently moves on the surface the water is about 98 – 99. Then if you turn the heat down a little more, and the water becomes completely still, it will be about 95-96.

This might sound a bit complicated but it is a good reference point that will help you know when to put the egg into the water. As an aside it also demonstrates how gas stoves are much better for certain methods of cooking as they give you much more control – and if you want to be a real fancy pants, use copper pots as these will give you absolute control.

Talking about poaching eggs without talking about using vinegar would be negligent of me. It is not really a point of contention for most people, as it seems industry commonplace that whenever the poaching pot is set up in the morning it always receives a customary splash of cheap vinegar, but this practise should be contentious. If the eggs are fresh you do not need vinegar, in fact, using it will even lessen the quality of the final product.

Vinegar acts similarly to heat in that it also sets the proteins in the egg white – this is why it is used, to help bind eggs consistently. But if the eggs you are using are fresh then vinegar is not only useless, it will actually cause the eggs to become over firm and a little rubbery.

I am not saying don’t use vinegar but rather don’t use it when the eggs are fresh, and only use fresh eggs! How do you tell if an egg is fresh? Google it and there might be some way wives tale but I say know the chook. Or if you can spare an egg, crack it into a bowl and see how firmly the white holds together.

So now armed with this information, you should now be able to successfully poach the perfect egg. Firstly set up. You need to get your ingredients and equipment, or mis en place, as it would be referred to in a kitchen. Fresh eggs, a whisk, a cup, a slotted spoon, a piece of bread for toasting, an electric toaster, no vinegar and a big heavy pot filled with water - preferably made of copper sitting on a gas stove! Use a big pot with lots of water too, it works better.

Bring the water to the boil. This is where your new found observation skills come into play. You want the water to be more towards 98 - 99 degrees initially. When the water comes to temperature make sure the heat is constant. Place the bread in the toaster, but don’t press it down, then crack the egg into the cup. Using a whisk stir the water in a circular motion to form a gentle whirlpool. Moving the water will cool it down to the perfect cooking temperature also.

When the whirlpool is gently spinning, smoothly but quickly poor in the egg directly onto the surface of the water into the centre of the whirlpool. Now push the toaster down. Toasters make for perfect egg poaching timers. Once you have done this once you will know if you like your eggs poached more or less than the time it takes to toast a bit of bread.

After the egg goes into the water it should fall to the bottom of the pot. Having swirled the water should stop it from sticking to the bottom but if you notice it does gently raise the temp up a degree and it should lift. Return the heat back down.

When the toast pops up, remove the egg from the water using a slotted spoon and allow all the water to strain off. Conveniently there is some toast ready so maybe you could have already cooked some bacon too. That is how to poach an egg.

Serving eggs without any salt is sacrilege. A sprinkling of good quality sea salt perfectly complements the both the texture of the white and the flavour of the yolk

Ancient Berries

Strawberries

“It seems in our desire for the ‘eternally convenient’ we have overlooked a few little basic facts of life like there are seasons for everything and no matter how much tweaking we give Mother Nature, the quality of fresh produce will never be as good out of season, regardless.”


As a boy I used to love hanging out with my Pop in his veggie patch. Nestled against the fence in his small suburban backyard on the outskirts of Sydney this piece of dirt was meter for meter some of the most fertile and productive farming land in the country.

Expecting no less from such a regimented man the garden was always well stocked and had constant drawings all year round.

Spending time here I most loved the smells. In summer the rich, fresh cut grass incense of the tomato plants was masked only slightly by the smell of fresh chook poo. Or the smell of the perfume war that raged every spring between the sweet pea on one side of the yard with the jasmine on the other. No matter what time of year it was Pop’s garden had an aroma that was almost the essence of Gaia.

As Pop and I would pick fresh chokos that were later to be boiled and served with butter and black pepper the best part about hanging out here was being handed ripe, plump strawberries straight from the garden.

Every year just as summer was arriving, the row of strawberries that framed his veggie patch would come to life with the most vibrant ‘hot-rod red’ berries.

These little treasures, defended from the birds with a couple of precariously placed mouse traps were juicy and sweet with the richness of the humus soil in which they grew.

Whilst they were in season, dessert at the Grandparents was always strawberries macerated in lemon juice and sugar then served on vanilla ice cream. A dessert I still prepare to this day, it is simply delicious.

Perhaps it is because I was fortunate enough to be munching on the best berries in the land as a boy that in recent years I have been so disappointed with the quality of strawberries.

Or maybe the disregard we have shown lately for the basic seasons in nature has meant availability now comes before quality.

It seems in our desire for the ‘eternally convenient’ we have overlooked a few little basic facts of life like there are seasons for everything and no matter how much tweaking we give Mother Nature, the quality of fresh produce will never be as good out of season, regardless.

I had a nice little reminder of this earlier in the week when I ate some fresh Portland Strawberries. Oh my lord.

After giving in on occasion throughout the year to the temptation of the convenient variety we see in the supermarket, my mouth had a necessary and pleasant reminder of what strawberries used to taste like.

Resembling nothing of the hard flavourless out of season berries these Portland strawberries were so good I could have believed they were grown by my grandfather.

Having been reminded of the difference between produce grown in and out of season it made me aware eating seasonally is not just an issue of sustainability but rather one also of quality. It is almost as though Mother Nature is rewarding us for doing the right thing.

I think from now on I won’t waste my time in the off season eating bland fruit and excitingly anticipate their arrival each November.

Strawberries are in season right now so if you can head out to one of our local strawberry farms and pick yourself some fresh berries you will remember what these little goodies used to taste like - just like the ones from my Pop’s veggie patch.


Storing Strawberries
Strawberries will store best in the refrigerator for up to about 5 days. It is best not to wash them until just before they are eaten as this will help to stop them going mouldy. Be sure they are allowed to come up to room temperature before you eat them otherwise they will not be as lush.

Spiced Strawberries

Ingredients

1 cup of water
½ cup of caster sugar
1 punet of fresh strawberries (washed and dry)
1 tsp whole black peppercorns
1 tsp whole coriander seeds
1 tsp whole cloves
2 cinnamon sticks
5 cardamom pods

In a saucepan bring all ingredients to the boil. Allow to simmer gently for 10 minutes. Cool slightly then poor over strawberries in a bowl. Store in a glass jar in you refrigerator at least overnight or up to 3 days. Serve with ice cream, fresh cream or chocolate cake.

Taste of the Tour

As we speak cyclists from around the world are gathered in Melbourne preparing for tomorrows gruelling Melbourne to Warrnambool cycling classic. As a lover of cycling I was inspired to embark on my own Melbourne to Warrnambool tour. Though slightly less arduous and more calorie adding than burning, I planned to follow their route taking about a day longer with a few detours to check out what food and wine the south west has and offer. Let’s say my own little version of the ‘Taste of the Tour’!

Departing from Sanctuary Lakes with the knowledge that an outstanding chardonnay was so close I decided to leave the race route and head south to check out Shadowfax Winery. After crossing the Princes highway you get a real sense you have entered one of Victorias major food bowls. K Road in South Werribee is lined with paddocks on both sides growing broad beans, artichokes, broccoli and other leafy greens. The red brick and concrete architecture is a nice reminder of who the pioneers of this area were.

After passing a couple of poultry farms and the Werribee mansion I turned right up the gum lined driveway at Shadowfax. The place was a bit sleepy on a Monday morning but the outdoor pizza kitchen with tables and chairs nestled amongst native trees and vines had a feel that promised to make for a wonderful afternoon. Especially on Sunday’s when the winery hosts live jazz acts.

Inside the auditorium like cellar door area there is a small cafe open daily from 11 serving coffees and offering tastings of their wines. Greeted by Michaela who is also the vineyard manager here I set out to taste all of their estate grown wines. The first was a pinot noir rose. A subtle drink with a good nose and a clean dry finish this wine would be fantastic to have with some seafood antipasto.

The rose was nice but I was looking for something that signified what the region has to offer. I wanted to taste the Terroir. The 2005 Werribee shiraz was the obvious choice. A good cool climate shiraz grown here on 20 year old vines - having been dry irrigated for the past 10. This full flavoured fruit produced good spice and soft acid which combined with tasty oak and a long pepper finish to make for a good drink.

After tasting a few other wines I continued on my gourmet delights tour. Had the cyclist and I left together it would be about now they would be passing through Inverleigh where the climate and soil are perfect for growing fantastic olives. Both top quality olive oil and eating olives are available here but I decided not head back up and meet the route but rather head to Winchelsea.

Why? Well this inconspicuous little place, similar to a lot of other South West highway towns offers the gourmet explorer far more than you’d expect. I would even go so far as to say Winchelsea and the Bireegurra district is the epicentre of culinaria in the district. In Winch, as it is known to the locals, you can get beef, free range pork, chocolates, olives, wines, teas and beer. The list continues, all of which are locally produced.

Having only just opened on Tuesday Tony and Rochelle Phelps have set up ‘A taste of the South West’ here in Winch. A cafe, gallery and as the name suggest a retail outlet stocking local produce. Open Tuesday to Sunday here I picked up some Birregurra district olive oil. A beautifully un-offensive soft yet peppery olive oil I knew there was a place for this on tonight’s menu. Also available at A.T.O.T.S.W are G.O.R.G.E chocolates, Parratte smoked eel pate and Apostle Whey Cheese.

Two doors down from A.T.O.T.S.W is the Maguire’s butchers. Paul and Lyn Maguire started this business 21 years ago as a starry eyed couple and have been happily supplying western district meat ever since. On sale here of most interest to me is Otway Free Range Pork. A company set up about 15 years ago by a group of people concerned about the way in which pigs were being raised in Victoria. Otway pigs are free range, happy and best of all, tasty, if only just a little small though. At Maguire’s I picked up a couple of pork T-Bones and a packet of Otway Bacon. Tonight’s menu was beginning to really take shape.

Living in Warrnambool meant I had to travel up to Melbourne before returning on my culinary route. This was a perfect opportunity to check out a few extra things on the way up and exactly what I had done the day before. It was Sunday which meant that Sunnybrae in Birregurra would be open for lunch.

Every weekend Sunnybrae offers a five course lunch, unbelievably priced at 66 bucks, consisting of local and garden grown produce. It is wonderfully unpretentious and honest. I suggest you check it out but bookings in advance are essential. Whilst in Birregurra I also recommend you check out the General Store for some local grown Otway Prime grass fed beef.

On Sunday I also made a visit to the Colac markets where I picked up some fantastic honey. Raymond Piera honey is produced just west of Colac and is also available from his home on the highway.

Feeling the pinch from my punishing trek I continued on to Camperdown for a Red Duck pale ale. After a short rest I pushed on to Warrnambool with some more beer and cheese in mind. Heading down to Cheese world to pick up some of the vintage cheddar I could almost smell the finish line. There was only one stop between me and victory, a Whale Ale at the Flying Horse Brewery. Available only on tap and the moment they hope to have their beers available in bottles around Christmas.

Crossing the finish line I headed home to get cooking. While I was cooking I snaked on Apostle Whey’s blue vein. As lover of European cheese this cheese was a real treat. This cheese has nice salty blue mould and soft creamy cheese and perfect nose of grassy silage, with just enough bite.

The Otway pork chop was grilled then marinated with the Colac honey. To some local potato’s I added some Otway bacon, a little onion and garlic. Using the blue vein I made a salad with tomato and cos lettuce from the garden. I drank a 2006 Shadowfax Chardonnay. It was delicious, a perfect south west dinner at the end of my torturous day!

Good luck to all the riders tomorrow and good work to all our local suppliers. Remember the best way to encourage local producers is to support them.

...or how I learned to stop worrying and love the oyster.

When I was a boy every Christmas we would travel to Sydney for the usual ‘Australiana’ Christmas celebrations. Reminiscent of a medieval painting lunch at my aunties was always an elaborate affair.

The table long and beautifully dressed with roasted pork, smoked hams, fresh salads and vegetables. Perched at one end was always a roasted turkey awaiting the ceremonious carving by our leader.

But filling in any of the free space on the table was what everyone was most looking forward to - the seafood. And of the seafood, the jewel in the crown of Christmas lunch was always the oysters. It was not unusual to watch my pop knock back maybe two or three dozen of the little bi valves.

I could never understand this though. For something so disgusting looking to be so prized they must have tasted like pure heaven. I knew it was inevitable I would lose my oyster virginity and where better for my first time than here at Christmas lunch with the support of my family! Much to their amusement it was horrible.

I remember this jaundice slimy looking ball of snot starring up at me for a good 10 minutes before I could bring myself to put it in my mouth. Knowing I would be unsure of what I was meant to do once it was in my mouth I had earlier undertaken a Vox Pop on the question of ‘chew or swallow’. Whether my family really did chew or they were just gearing up for a laugh there was a unanimous verdict on the chew. So I did, or tried too until I had to run outside and rid my mouth of this putrid vile creature.

Spending the next half an hour trying to eradicate any memory of this torture I was now more confused as to why everyone loved them. Years went by, occasionally trying a Kilpatrick, so often frowned upon by oyster connoisseurs, but I was never truly able to embrace the oyster. I could do olives, blue cheese and even steak tartare, but here lied the last bastion of my adult palate

This was until I learnt the truth about oysters, and most importantly when the best and worst time to eat oysters. So what was it that converted me into a true oyster lover.

Firstly, I was correct to have found that oyster at Christmas so unpleasant. As soon as the ocean temperature starts to warm oysters will start spawning. When this happens the white centre part grows much larger and the result is a creamy snotty consistency. Some people love this but compared to the beautiful flavour and texture of a winter/spring oyster I find it a bit offensive.

So if summer is the worst time to eat oysters, when is the best? Right now. The cold spring oceans mean they are not quite spawning yet but they’re big and juicy after having spent the winter vigoursly feeding and getting themselves ready for summer breeding.

Secondly and most importantly is how you buy oysters. Always choose ‘un-shucked’ oysters. This means they still have their shell on and you will have to open them yourself. It may be a little bit more work but it is really easy once you know how and the rewards are exponential.
As a note, it is so quick and easy there is no excuse for restaurants charging $20 for six oysters to serve ones that have been open for days, ask your friendly waiter next time how long the oysters have been open.

When the oyster is first opened it should be sitting in a pool of fresh sea water. This ‘first water’ is where the essence of the oyster flavour comes from but sometimes can be a little salty, so it should be shaken out of the shell, but then watch as the oyster will naturally moisten itself again by expelling a ‘second water’. This is the ultimate sign of freshness.

The appearance should resemble nothing of the yellow snotty memory of my childhood. They should be black and grey in colour with at least two or three layers of the lacy frills on the outer edges of the shell. A small amount of cream in the centre is good.

Chew or swallow? That is up to you but I can’t understand why you would just put it in your mouth then swallow. Chew the oyster and enjoy the flavour.

What to serve the oysters with? I think a shallot and red wine vinegar compliments the flavour the best. And to drink you cannot go wrong with a glass of Champagne.

Review of Royal Mail Hotel, Dunkeld

Last night, my fourth visit since Dan Hunters arrival at the Royal Mail Hotel was the best to date. Having been somewhat disheartened on the visit prior to last at the repetition of some dishes from an earlier visit, six months and two seasons earlier, last night only the signature calamari and black rice dish was repeated and Dan Hunter's new entries clearly show a sophisticated evolution in his food.

The first course started with one I was fortunate enough to be a guinea pig for on an earlier date, pacific oysters with dried sea weed and marine essence. The oysters were seared just enough in a hot pan so they retained the ocean flavour and texture of a natural one, but this application of a little heat wonderfully heightened their natural flavour and gently bound any cream. My three guest, all previously cautious even of a Killpatrick left me nothing to finish off. The dish with marine essence, fried buckwheat and dried seaweed captures the soul of cold spring oceans and was even likened at the table to being dunked by a killer wave.

A smoked tuna broth, splendid on my last visit, now appears as a slightly thickened sauce garnishing beautifully arranged fresh sardine fillets. Served with a palo cortado sherry, the previous marriage of the sherry’s nutty and wild flower aromas, the herbaceousness of the shoots and the thick Japanese mouth filling bonito now goes just a little further with the addition of the dark bloodiness of a sardine, suitably Japanese, and the rich acorn fattiness of jamon botego. It was superb. In fact so good Lok Thorton even smiled when we speaking about the dish afterwards!

Next vegetables were given their moment of fame. Reminising on a winter vegetable salad and a pine mushroom dish with bone marrow and smoked leeks tonight was simply a melange of freshly picked flowers and leaves. Again served with white truffle and hazelnuts, this dish was the prettiest thing I have ever eaten, almost as if La Luna’s fine porcelain framed a three dimension Monet. With the Cullen 1994 chardonnay the combination of the malo richness and slight oxidisation of the wine with the white truffle and floral chlorophly flavours were a combination destined to be created.

The calamari, black rice and ginger was next. Forgiving the fact this dish is so 2007, we had asked to have a look at an Austrian Riesling with one of the courses and alongside the calamari we were presented with a Franz Hirtzberger 2006 Smaragd Riesling. At $160 it is not cheap but the match was spot on and the phenolics of this wine leave you wondering why Australia Rieslings don’t follow suit. And the squid ink tuille is a much loved personal favourite.

The next two dishes were born from a necessary deconstruction of an earlier dish. The harpuka with pork, yabbie and fennel now relieves the harpuka of the pressure put on its delicate flavour by the pork and instead introduces a sea urchin cream, brocolini and aloe vera. The flavours are now dignified and subtle. This however did not work with the slightly more aggressive burgundy chosen for this course. The remaining elements from the earlier dish, the pork yabbie and fennel, were left alone to do their thing on the next course. The belly is soft and gelatinous, sweet with rich pork fat and salty but not over-seasoned. Dan Hunters european style heavy handed seasoning is a reassuring demonstration of his core abilities and the respect he has for his dinners palate, often overlooked when haute cuisine sets off in pursuit of the slightly mystical and sublime. The yabbie, or red claw, poached and sitting on the belly was outshone only by a piece of subtlety aniseed tempura like fennel.

The main course, if you had to call one part of this dining curve the main was a piece of young spring lamb loin left wearing the necessary amount of fat atop. Served with young garlic shoots, Grampians sheep milk yoghurt and liquorice sand this dish was another demonstration of the evolution of the food from a earlier visit. Pulled back from a cheese course, the sheep’s milk united the dish with the pungency of lamb fat, cut then by the grassy sulphurous garlic shoots, finished with the olfactory sensation of liquorice. Served with a glass of local Crawford River 03 cabernet merlot, the dish ticked all the boxes. Fresh, local and sophisticated. Perhaps another meat course or a slightly larger version of this dish would not have gone astray though, as it was not just my greedy self with still room for a little more.

Cheese was next and unfortunately I was a bit disappointed. Don’t get me wrong. I love cheese, and especially gorgonzola. But regardless of how good the piece of cheese is, to me dinning at the royal mail is not about showing off the best ingredients available but rather what can be done with these ingredients. It was for this reason I found a lonely looking piece of gorgonzola accompanied by a flavoursome yet inadequate celery garnish a bit of a letdown. As a part of the whole degustation, the flavour of the blue cheese was a wonderful introduction to the desserts and followed nicely from the lamb, but I don’t want to eat just a piece of cheese, for that I will go to deli or a bistro. Here I want to see what this magician in the kitchen can turn a bit of cheese into or even have him make the cheese himself, why not, they could have imported butter but they chose to make that . I look forward to the evolution of the cheese.

The first glance at something sweet for the night came in the form of a compressed mandarin and arbequina olive oil. This dish was a suitably necessary cleanser of the powerful gorgonzola and a subtle introduction to the chocolate that followed. The mandarin was an absolute citrus bomb with just enough sugar to balance the citric acid of the fruit, although it would be perfect if the toughness of the pith could be totally removed. All of this then washed away with a flawless quenelle of creamy olive oil ice cream, made with one of the tools pulled from the magicians hat - the ‘Paco Jet’.

The final course, and alike previous visits, was the absolute highlight of the night. Pistachio, hazelnut, honeycomb and chocolate. Here we were served another treat from the Paco Jet, Belgium chocolate straws, honeycomb delicate enough there was nothing to be pulled from your teeth afterwards, and pistachio and hazelnut. This magnificent piece of architecture was a rich, sweet, earthen flavour explosion that when combined with the Jose Romante cream sherry made your soul feel good.

The final course, and alike previous visits, was the absolute highlight of the night. Pistachio, hazelnut, honeycomb and chocolate. Here we were served another treat from the Paco Jet, Belgium chocolate straws, honeycomb delicate enough there was nothing to be pulled from your teeth afterwards, and pistachio and hazelnut. This magnificent piece of architecture was a rich, sweet, earthen flavour explosion that when combined with the Jose Romante cream sherry made your soul feel good.

The dining room has begun a much needed transformation, ditching the empty wine racks and abandoning the piano. The replacements, including a dark sleek counter and sandy plaster walls are elegant but the room still has a reminiscent cheapness of the days when salt and pepper calamari and a trio of dips adorned the menu. Unless up lighting of Mount Sturgeon can be arranged there is still a little way to go to give the room more charm at night.

The service, if only a little sterile, is flawless. No small feat when considering staffing difficulties in regional areas. Lok Thornton is extremely knowledgeable and it is well worth racking his brain during dinner. He has gathered a few new additions to his team, all of whom were well informed and professionally pleasant.

Sitting here reminiscing and recollecting my thoughts on last’s nights dinner I am interrupted by the phone. On the other end of the line is one of my fellow dinners from last night. No formalities or pleasantries to start this conversation off, just the exclamations of jubilant novice having just been introduced to the dining experience at the Royal Mail Hotel. “How good was that!?”, he rhetorically acclaims. Absolutely sensational I unnecessarily answered.

Paella

Paella

“Let’s just get lots of things that we can put in the middle and share”. I think that this sentence would have to be my girl friend Rachel’s favourite thing to say. Every time we are at a restaurant or just discussing what we will have for dinner at home, you can always guarantee that before a meal, you will hear these words. It has become like our own little way of saying grace.

Rachel is on to something though with this idea of sharing food. And she is most definitely not alone. Take the Europeans for example, they love to share food. In fact in some parts, it is even considered a bit of a social faux pas to eat alone. In Italy, something I found a most curious peculiarity is that at lunch time it can often be difficult to find somewhere to eat, as everyone goes home for lunch! And you could bet your bottom dollar that they will be enjoying ‘lots of things that they can put in the middle and share!’

It must be said though that there is no country in Europe that takes the idea of sharing food together as seriously as the Spanish do. And there is most definitely no dish in Europe that can be shared by as many people as ‘La Paella’, proven in 2001 when it was prepared for over 100,000 people as part of a world record attempt in Madrid. The ingredients on this particular occasion included 6000kg of rice, 12000kg of rabbit and chicken, 1000kg olive oil and more than 250kg of salt!

Paella is the name that refers to the pan that the dish is cooked in. It originates from Valencia in Spain and although there is much conjecture as to what ingredients should be used, it is essentially a method of cooking rice – similar to pilaf. The paella that we are most familiar with in Australia, containing chicken and seafood, is one that would be prepared in the coastal areas of Spain yet other ingredients that are considered traditional include rabbit, snails, chorizo and whatever seasonal vegetables are available. There are however a few rules that must be abided by when preparing paella.

The first step, and for some the essence of the paella, is the preparation of what is known as a sofrito. A sofrito is a base made by slow cooking onions, tomatoes and capsicums until it has a consistency similar to that of jam. It can often take hours to prepare the sofrito and the idea is that by slow cooking this in advance, the silken textures and flavours that only come with slow cooking will be imparted on the final product. In the same way that stock adds a sophisticated complexity to a dish.

Other than the sofrito, rice and saffron are also essential. The type of rice traditionally used is a plump medium grain rice called calasparra. It is similar to arborio rice, the type used in a risotto (which can also be used as a substitute) just with a lesser starch content. And seeing that paella is really just a rice dish, an appreciation and understanding of how to cook the rice so as it will end up as perfect individual grains is more important than anything else.

Rice can be thought of in two ways, the grain itself, and the starch powder that is created as the grains disintegrate when they smash and rub up against each other. The more you stir or break up the rice, the more starch will be released, resulting in a thick creaminess. This is the theory behind risotto. With paella, you do not want the thick starchy sauce so the idea is to be gentle with the grain and not release too much starch. The rice is protected first by frying it in olive oil and then it is not stirred at all during the cooking process.

To prepare saffron for use in anything, including paella, it is best to toast it first in a dry
pan. After the saffron has been toasted it should then be ground in a mortar and pestle, then wet it down with some liquid. This liquid should then be added to what you are cooking. Any of the other ingredients that make paella so much more exciting to us meat lovin’ Aussies, such as chicken or seafood, need to be cooked separately before you start to cook the rice. They are just added at the end of the end of the cooking process, so as the steam of the rice will heat them through.

The final and undoubtedly the most important rule when it comes to paella – if you cook more than you need, there will be plenty to share. Buen apetito!

Chicken, Mussel, Chorizo and Green Olive Paella

Chicken, Mussel, Chorizo and Green Olive Paella

Ingredients
8 pieces chicken – thigh is best
1 kg mussels
200g green Spanish olives
1 chorizo

Sofrito – all ingredients finely diced
2 red capsicums
1 green capsicum
3 brown onions
6 roma tomatoes – peeled and seeded
6 Tbs olive oil

1kg calasparra rice
2.5 ltrs chicken stock
½ tsp ground saffron

Prepare sofrito by slow cooking all ingredients on a gentle heat in a non stick pan.

Brown the chicken in a pan with a little oil and butter then roast in oven for 20 minutes, set aside.

Steam mussels in a small pot with a knob of butter until the shells are open, set aside later also.

In your paella pan, add 4 tbs of olive oil and sliced chorizo sausage then sauté until brown. Add the sofrito and the rice then fry till all grains are evenly coated with sofrito and oil – approx 3-4 minutes.

Add the chicken stock and saffron and bring to the boil. Once it has come to the boil reduce heat so as the liquid will just tick over gently. Once most of the liquid has been absorbed, about 30 minutes, place the chicken and mussels on top and allow to heat through.
Once the paella has cooked for a further 10 minutes remove it from the heat and let it rest for about 10 minutes. Garnish with some fresh chopped parsley and lemon wedges. Serve with a garden salad. Enjoy!

How to Cook a Steak

101 of Steak Cooking

Someone once said to me the measure of a good chef is how well they can cook a steak. I would like to think we require a few more skills than just this, but it is true any chef worth his salt must be able to cook steak properly. Here in Australia this is even more important, considering what connoisseurs of beef we are. According to the Meat and Livestock Association website every one of us Aussies consumes nearly 40kg of beef each year.

That is a lot of beef. And I think to show our appreciation to the beloved cow the least we can do is cook it properly. It always feels a bit fancy going to a restaurant and getting a steak cooked exactly how you like it but it is really not difficult at all and I will explain how you can cook the perfect steak at home.

The first choice you need to make is what cut of you will use. With all meat there is a simple relationship between tenderness and flavour. The more tender a cut is, the less flavour it will have. Imagine a scale that has flavour on one end and tenderness on the other. The tender side would start with eye fillet, then go to porterhouse and scotch fillet, followed by rump and then finishing with oyster blade or topside. I personally prefer the cuts in the middle such as scotch or porterhouse as they offer a balance between flavour and texture.

The fat content will also determine how flavoursome the steak will be. Fat on a steak can either surround the meat or be marbled through the flesh. If you have ever been to any of the restaurants at Crown Casino you will have seen the $100 plus steaks they are all offering. You could be forgiven for thinking this is a typo but I am afraid this is what they are worth. And why? Because of the fat. The type of beef used at these restaurants is known as Wagyu. It comes from specific breeds of cows that produce beef with a lot of fat marbled through the flesh. This marbling appears as very fine white lines intergrated through the red meat. When you cook Wagyu this fine fat melts adding flavour to the flesh from the inside. Although it may be difficult to find Wagyu make sure the beef you use has got the marbling.

Okay, now you have chosen a steak (I have chosen a scotch fillet) and we are going to cook it together. The first thing to do is bring the steak up to room temperature. This helps to cook it evenly.

Now heat either the char-grill of the BBQ or a heavy bottom non-stick pan. Both of which you want hot, smoking hot! A lot of people get scared when they see how hot the pans chefs use are but if the pan is good quality it will take it.

Just before you start to cook the steak you need to season it with salt and pepper. Seasoning raw meat is greatly debating amongst the steak cooking community but I do not care what anyone else thinks - you must season a steak before cooking it. The argument against putting salt on a raw steak is that it will ‘cure’ the meat before you cook it. I cannot understand how anyone could think a little salt on a steak could cure it in half a second? Furthermore the idea of a steak is to have a nice brown crusty surface and using good quality sea salt will help this happen. This is not why you season a steak though. Seasoning is to increase and compliment the natural flavour.

Now your heat is ready, the steak is ready and it all about to happen. If using a BBQ, drizzle a little oil over both sides of the steak then place on the grill. For the pan (what I am doing) add about a tablespoon of oil and a knob of butter. Butter is for flavour and the oil will raise the cooking temperature. The pan should be hot enough so the butter will brown almost instantly in the pan. Swirl the pan until all the butter has melted then gently add the steak. Straight away gently lift the side of the steak so as air pockets cannot form underneath. Reduce the heat ever so slightly. If you like a well done then you will need to reduce the heat a little more.

The steak I am cooking is about 2cm thick and I want it to be a perfect medium. Without turning keep it moving in the pan lifting the sides to allow the oil and butter to get underneath. Never over crowd the pan, I recommended you only cook one or two steaks at a time. After 2 minutes on one side, turn the steak. It should be dark brown all over, but not black, and have a nice crust. Cook for two minutes more on the other side. If you like your steak rare, stop cooking at this point and allow it to rest. For medium rare allow 30 seconds more on each side. For medium cook for one minute more on each side. For well done cook allow 4 minutes on each side.

Resting meat after it has been cooked is just as important as cooking it properly. Resting allows all of the fibres in the meat to relax after they have tensed up during the intense cooking period. Resting is just placing the steak on a plate somewhere warm for about 10 minutes.

When rested you will need to reheat the steak. Heat your oven to the hotest it will go. Flash your steak in the oven for about 1 minute then serve on a hot plate.

A nice simple sauce can be made by adding half a cup of red wine, 25 grams of butter and any juices from the resting plate back into the pan. You could even add mushrooms, onions and bacon for a very typical Warrnambool sauce! Me, I like to serve my steak with Dijon mustard and tobasco but remember steak is the basics so go for whatever sauce is your favourite. Serve with your mash potato and a blue cheese salad and the family will be herding back for more! Bon appetite.

Moroccan

Cous Cous, Tagines & Spice Mixes
Have you ever wondered what makes tagine’s and curries taste so great? Why you love salami so much? Even the flavours in gin that are so prominent yet subtly complex. It is all in the spice. Spices have been used for preparing food, drinks and medicine for over 4000 years and hold within some of the greatest secrets is cookery. When you know which spices to use and how they are best treated your local supermarket can offer you a lot more than meat and three veg.

The first and most important distinction to make is between spicy and hot. One of the most common questions asked by customers is “Is that spicy?” Often the dish their asking about is very spicy but not hot at all. This is because the spices used are only aromatic.

If you were to break spices into two very simple categories, hot and aromatic, you would find that most spices are only aromatic.

Spices that come from peppers and chilis are the main ones that add heat. Some of the hottest include paprika, cayenne pepper, dried chili and black or white pepper.

The aromatic spices are the ones that add flavour complexity. Their flavours are usually in the oils that they contain and often need to be heated to release.

Spices also work best when combined with other spices. One of my most loved styles of
cooking and one dependant a varied use of spice is North African cuisine. A very special spice mix used extensively in North Africa cooking is Ras el hanout. Translating roughly as ‘top of the shop’, this mix gets it name from the spice houses that blend there own believing that it is the premium spice mix there shop has to offer. Ras el hanout is made up from over 20 different spices including the infamous Spanish fly adding an aphrodisiac property.

Spices not only work best when combined with other spices they are great with herbs. The basic difference between a herb and a spice is that herbs generally come from soft leafy plants where as spices come from a variety of sources including roots, seeds, bark and flowers. Spices often require slow cooking and should be added at the beginning of the cooking process where by herbs are best chopped roughly and added at the very end or even as garnish.

Like herbs, spices are best used when fresh. It is easy to know if a bunch of parsley is fresh, it will be bright and not wilted, but it can be a little harder to tell if a dried spice is fresh. The easiest way to tell if your spices are fresh is use your nose. Smell them, they should be strongly scented and when crushed or heated release intense aromas.

Always check the used by dates on spices at the store and try and get ones with a used by date as far in the future as possible. Don’t keep more than you need in your cupboard as they will loose there flavour and end up tasting like dust. Remember to store all of your spices in air tight jars.

Cous Cous

Cous Cous with preserved lemon & Ras el Hanout

Ingredients
1 Cup of Instant Cous Cous
1 Cup of Boiling Water (Just Under)
1 Tbs olive oil
Salt & Pepper
10g Diced Unsalted Butter
1 Tbs Ras el Hanout
1 tsp diced preserved lemon
¼ cup Green Raisins
Fresh Corriander
Fresh Parsley
Fresh Mint

In a large stainless steel add cous cous to the olive oil. Over a gentle heat stir cous cous through oil until all the grains are coated with the oil.

Add the boiling water, preserved lemon and green raisins the cover with cling wrap and allow to stand for 5 minutes. Remove cling wrap and add butter. Using a fork initially gentle stir to break up the cous cous. Once it has broken down a little use your hands to continue rubbing the butter through.

Add the toasted pine nuts, the fresh herbs and the Ras el Hanout to the cous cous just before serving.

Chermoula

Chermoula has many different variations and can be either green or red. The green variety uses a lot more fresh herbs than the red variety, which is predominately dried spice. The recipe below is for a green chermoula

Ingredients
Fresh Coriander, 0.5 cup
Mint, 0.25 cup
Continental Parsley, 0.5 cup
Lemon Juice, 2 Tbs
Garlic, 1 clove diced
Spanish Onion, 2 Tbs diced
Ground Cumin, 1 tsp
Ground Coriander, 1 tsp
Ground Paprika, 1 tsp
Cayenne Pepper, 1/2 tsp
Olive Oil

Wash and roughly chop all fresh herbs. Combine all ingredients except lemon juice in a food processor and blend until they become a chunky paste.

Add enough olive oil to bring together and the lemon juice. Season with salt & pepper.

Basic Tagine Spice Mix

This easy to make spice mix is perfect for making delicious tasting tagine’s. To keep the aromas of the spices vibrant it is best to prepare only the amount required when you need it.

In a dry pan gently roast all spice until their aromas being to release. Grind to a fine powder in spice grind. Use immediately or store in air tight container.

Ingredients
Coriander Seeds, 3 parts
Cumin Seeds, 3 parts
Paprika, 3 parts
Fennel Seeds, 2 part
Cayenne Pepper, 1 part

Harissa

Roast the capsicums whole, drizzled with a little olive oil and salt in an oven at 200°c. When capsicums are starting to char and beginning to collapse, remove them from the oven and allow them to cool in a bowl and covered tightly with cling wrap. When they have cooled remove the skin and seeds by gently peeling back the skin then opening up the capsicum under running water. Pat dry and set aside.

COMBINE all of the dried spices then dry roast these spices in a pan until their aromas begin to release intensely. Be careful not to burn the spices as this will turn the final product bitter. Grind all the spices to a powder in a spice grinder or a mortar and pestle.

In a non stick saucepan combine onions, garlic, ginger and olive oil. Cook gently for about 1/2 hour or until all ingredients are soft. Add the dried spice mix, tomato paste and roughly chopped roasted capsicums. Continue cooking for about 30 minutes. Blend until a smooth paste in food processor. Voi la!

Ingredients

Coriander Seeds, 2 Tbs
Cumin Seeds, 2 Tbs
Fennel Seeds, 2 Tbs
Cardamom, 5 Pods
Hot Paprika, 2 Tbs
Cayenne Pepper, 2 Tbs
Black Pepper, 1 Tbs
Sea Salt, 1 Tbs
Red Capsicum, 4 large roasted and peeled
Ginger, 1Tbs finely chopped
Garlic, 6 Cloves whole
Brown Onion, 1 Large diced
Tomato Paste, 1Tbs
Olive Oil, 125 mls

Carrot, Orange and Cinnamon Salad

Moroccan food often clouds the ‘boundaries’ between what we would consider a sweet and a savoury dish. The carrot salad is a great example of this. The types of oranges used in Morocco are much tarter than Australian varieties but our Valencia oranges will work very well here.

Ingredients
1 Large Carrot
3 Oranges
2tsp Caster Sugar
1 Tsp Orange Blossom Water
Pinch of Salt & White Pepper
Fresh Mint to Garnish

Peel carrots then grate into a large bowl. Remove the skin and pith from the oranges then segment. Combine oranges, caster sugar, orange blossom water and salt & pepper to the carrots. Garnish with thinly sliced fresh mint.

Chicken and Almond Bisteeya

The Bisteeya (B’steeya) is a traditional Moroccan pie that is made from many layers of phylo pastry, chicken or pigeon and almonds. You will find that the spelling for this dish will vary and you may see it written as pastilla, the dish is the same it is just the translation from Arabic that differs.

The Bisteeya is another iconic Moroccan dish such as a tagine. A Bisteeya uses the distinct Moroccan combination of sweet and savoury like the carrot salad. This recipe requires a little bit of work but don’t be scared, it is well worth it. It is best to prepare the chicken and egg mixture a day in advance then assemble and cook when you are ready to eat.


Ingredients
1 kg Chicken (Thigh fillets or Maryland’s)
Olive Oil
1 Onion, Finely Diced
2 Cloves of Garlic
1 Small Chilli
¼ Cup of Sherry
2 Cups of Chicken Stock
3 Eggs
Pinch of Saffron
1 tsp of Ground Ginger
1 tsp Ground Cinnamon
1 tsp ground Cumin
½ bunch Chopped Fresh Parsley
½ bunch Chopped Fresh Coriander
1 Packet of Filo Pastry
1 Block of Unsalted Butter, Melted
100g of Toasted Flaked Almonds
100g Icing Sugar

Place the flaked almond on a lined baking dish and roast at 200° for 5 -10 minutes or until golden brown. When roasted and cooled combine with icing sugar and 1Tbs cinnamon.

In a heavy bottom non stick pan heat about 50 ml of olive oil. Season the chicken with a good amount of salt and pepper then add the chicken to the pan and allow to brown on all sides. Once the chicken has coloured add the onions, garlic and the dried spice. Stir well ensuring that the spices cover all of the chicken. Add the sherry and the stock, cover and simmer for 40 minutes. You want the chicken to be fully cooked and fall apart when stirred.

Strain the mixture setting the liquid aside. Place the chicken back in the pot and beat vigorously with a wooden spoon until it is all shredded. Remove chicken and refrigerate then return the liquid to a pot on a high heat and allow it to reduce until there is about ½ cup left – be careful it does not catch. Crack the eggs into a small bowl and beat with a fork then add them to the hot liquid whilst stirring. The eggs will cook and the whole mix will become like a scrambled eggs, this will take about 3 minutes. Refrigerate egg mixture and allow it to cool. Once cooled combine fresh chopped herbs, chicken and egg mixture together.

Using a 10” ceramic flan dish, firstly coat with melted butter. Place a sheet of filo pastry so as ½ is in the dish and ½ is out. Repeat this four times buttering again after each layer then sprinkle a generous amount of the almond, cinnamon sugar mixture onto the pastry. Repeat this process. Fill tart mould with chicken filling. Place a single layer of filo that has been folded in half on top. Using a good amount of butter on each piece, fold each of the sides up to form the pastry lid.

Bake for15 minutes at 200° then invert onto a baking tray and bake for a further 20 minutes at 175°. Dust with a little icing sugar and serve.
1 Tbs Ground Cinnamon

Chermoula Sardines

The sardine is one of the most abundant fish caught in the Atlantic Ocean which has meant that it has long been a staple of the countries that it borders. If you are having trouble finding sardines than any other oily fish such as mackerel or tuna will work quite well here. This is a great recipe to cook for a simple BBQ style lunch.

Ingredients
Sardine Fillets (or whole sardines)
Chermoula
Oatmeal
Egg wash & Flour
Extra Virgin Olive Oil

In a small bowl mix 3 – 4 tsp of Chermoula with ½ cup of oatmeal, then simply crumb the sardines using flour, an egg bath then the Chermoula and oatmeal mix. Shallow fry in olive oil for about 1 minute on each side.

Labna

Labna is simply yoghurt that has been hung in a way that allows the water contained within to flow out of the yoghurt. The longer that you leave the yoghurt straining the harder it will become. If you wish to prepare ‘yogurt cheese’ style labna, then just hang for a couple of day longer until it becomes quite firm. After this, using a Parisian scoop or tea spoon, make small balls then marinate in herbs and olive oil for a few days.

Vegetable Tagine with Harissa, Goats Cheese and Fresh Herbs

To make this beautiful vegetable tagine is simple. All you have to do is make the sauce which you stir over vegetables then roast in the oven. This is great because it means you can also use any leftover vegetables you have in the fridge. The vegetables I use in this recipe are chosen because of their complimentary flavours and when finished with fresh herbs and goats cheese, the dish is absolutely delicious.

Prepare the sauce in which the vegetables will be cooked in advance. This is done by cooking the diced onions, garlic and ginger for about 5 minutes in a pan over a medium heat with a little olive oil. When the onions are translucent add the harissa, canned tomatoes and vegetable stock. Continue to cook for about another 5 minutes. Harissa is a spicy North African spicy sauce, sort of like Moroccan tomato sauce. It is available from fine food shops or check out my recipe to make your own.

Prepare the vegetables by peeling then dicing all of the vegetable so as they are a similar size. In a large baking dish pour the sauce over the vegetables, stir well then bake covered with foil at 200°c for about 45 minutes. Remove the foil then continue to cook uncovered for 1 hour. This can also be done in a terra cotta tagine however it will need to be cooked for 3 hours @ 150°c, make sure you follow the manufacturer’s directions on how to prepare your tagine for cooking otherwise they can crack.

While the tagine is cooking, blanch the peas in salted water then refresh under cold running water. When the tagine is cooked, ready the vegetables are ready sprinkle some freshly ground cumin seeds, the cooked peas and salt & pepper over the tagine. Serve on cous cous with goat’s cheese and picked herbs as garnish.

Ingredients
Pumpkin, 1kg peeled & diced
Sweet Potato, 1kg peeled & diced
Brown Onions, 3 large cut in eighths
Carrots, 1kg peeled & diced
Fresh Peas, 1 Cup shelled
Vegetable Stock, 2 Cups
Harissa, 2 Tbs
Canned Tomato, 400g
Garlic, 2 Cloves finely diced
Onions, 1Large finely diced
Ginger, 1tbs finely diced

Goats Cheese
Mint, picked Leaves
Parsley, picked Leaves
Coriander, picked Leaves

Chermoula Fish Tagine

This tagine works best with white fish such as blue eye, trumpeter, blue grenadere or flake. Start by dusting the fish lightly in flour seasoned with a little salt & pepper. In a saucepan with enough olive oil to cover bottom of pan, cook the fish over a medium high heat until brown on all sides. Remove from pan and set aside to drain on some paper towel. The fish does not need to be cooked at this stage as it will finish cooking in the sauce.

In a small saucepan with a little oil, sauté the onions & garlic for a couple of minutes, then add the tagine spice mix, canned tomato, fish stock and saffron. Cook for about 5 minutes until the sauce is a nice thick consistency.

Place the browned fish nicely on top of the sauce then cover and cook for 10 minutes. Once the fish is cooked, remove from the pan and arrange neatly on some freshly cooked cous cous. Stir the chermoula through the sauce in the pan the pour over the fish. Serve with lemon wedges and fresh chopped corriander.

Ingredients
White Fish, 1kg cut into large chunks
Plain Flour, 3tbs
Brown Onion, 1 Large diced
Garlic, 2 Cloves finely diced
Saffron, 6 Threads dried then pounded in mortar
Tagine Spice Mix, 1Tbs (See my recipe)
Canned Tomato, 400g
Fish Stock, 1 cup
Chermoula, 2tbs (See my recipe)

Lamb and Chicken Tagine, couscous aux doux viande

This recipe comes from a French Bistro where I worked for some time. As named at Chez Bob, couscous aux trois viands, is a staple on many French bistro menus, you will though there are only two meats used in this recipe. Should you be able to get your hands on some merguez sausage this is the prized trois viande.

In separate bowls, place your lamb and chicken and marinate each bowl with 1 tbs of spice mix, add a little salt and pepper to the meat also. Heat a heavy bottom fry pan to a high heat and add about 1 Tbs olive oil. Add the lamb first in small batches and allow to brown evenly on all sides, but do not burn. Once all the lamb is browned do the same with the chicken. Wash pan and return to heat.

Sauté the zucchini and eggplant in a hot pan with a little olive oil then set aside to add to the tagine later.

Wash the pan again and return to the heat. Add the onions and capsicums and sauté for about 5 minutes until they become soft, then add the garlic and ginger, 2 heaped Tbs of Tagine Spice Mix, a little more olive oil and the tomato paste then stir well through and cook for a further few minutes. Now add the canned tomatoes, ½ can of water, the preserved lemon and the lamb, but not the chicken nor the zucchini or eggplant. Cook over a gentle heat for approximately 1.5 hours. With about 30 - 45 minutes to go add the browned chicken, zucchini and eggplant.

Garnish with coriander, parsley, yoghurt and lemon wedges.

Ingredients
Lamb Leg, 1kg Diced
Chicken Thigh, 1kg Diced
Brown Onion, 2 Large Diced
Red Capsicum, 2 Large Diced
Garlic, 4 Cloves Thinly Sliced
Ginger, 1tsp Finely Diced
Zucchini, 3 Diced
Eggplant, 1 Large Diced
Preserved Lemon, 1tsp Minced
Tagine Spice Mix, 4Tbs
Cinnamon Quill, 2 Whole
Salt & Pepper
Tomato Paste, 2Tbs
Canned Tomato, 800g

Coriander
Parsley
Yoghurt
Lemon Wedges

Food from Nord Pas de Calais

Sandwiched between the English Channel and the Belgium border, the region of Nord-Pas de Calais may not be as renowned as its more gastronomic southern neighbors, however the proximity to the coastline means the seafood here is plentiful and fresh. Although there is an impressive array of sea fish, it is the shell fish that is most notable. Amazing razor clams, whelks & periwinkles come ashore along with lobsters, langoustines and oysters. But what the region is best known for would have to be the mussels.

Being part of the Flanders region means the influence from Belgium is very strong. And the Belg. Love their mussels. Probably the most popular, and definitely the most classical way of preparing mussels would be moules frit or moules marinere. Here simply, the mussels are steamed in their own juices with white wine and thyme then served with French fries and mayonnaise. Moules marinere is one of those ever so simple but classic dishes that I cannot live without, I prepare this at least five or six times a year.

Often you will see Moules mariniere in restaurants served with a dash of cream in the sauce. If you want to be dogmatic and technical about food, as the French so often are, Moules marinere should not have any cream. This does not mean though you cannot use a splash in your sauce, as I do in mine. I find it adds depth of flavour and helps coat your mouth with the delicious sauce.

This region also produces wonderful cheeses such as Maroilles and Mimolette yet they can be difficult to find in Australia due to laws about importing un-pasteurised cheeses. Along with great cheese, Nord-Pas de Calais produces some fantastic sweets including boiled lollies and waffles.

Of the regions other specialties, probably the most famous is the beer, another connection shared between Warrnambool and this part of France - we both love our seafood and we most definitely both love beer. The beers here are usually full flavored darker style ale’s. A very famous dish made from the regions beer is Carbonade flamande. Stewing cuts of beef are braised with onions, garlic, bacon and beer.

Gaufre aux Quark

Gaufre aux Quark
Belgium Waffles with Quark

Ingredients
125g Unsalted Butter
100g Sugar
4 Eggs (Separated)
Pinch Salt
250g Plain Flour
5g Baking Powder
250ml Milk
Ground Cinnamon
Ground Nutmeg

Whisk egg whites until they’re at medium peaks. This means when a beater is lifted from the whites the peaks will rise and only the tops will fall. Set aside.

Cream the butter and sugar until light coloured. Add the egg yolks and incorporate well. Slowly add the milk. You may find the mixture appear like scrambled eggs if the milk was too cold. This is fine so long as you beat the mixture well once the flour has been added.

Sift the flour together with ground nutmeg, cinnamon and baking powder. Add this to the butter and egg mixture and beat until well it becomes a well incorporated batter.

Fold the egg whites through the batter and rest mixture for 1 – 2 hours.

Cook in a waffle maker until quite dark in colour.

Moules Mariniere

Moules Mariniere
Mussels with White Wine & Thyme

Ingredients

1kg of Mussels, 2 main courses or 4 entrees
4 Shallots finely diced
½ cup white wine
2 Tbs Cream
5 Sprigs of Thyme
Butter
Pepper

Mayonnaise
French Fries

In a sauce pan sauté of shallots with a little butter and the thyme. Add the white wine then reduce for a couple of minutes. Add the cream and set aside for later use.

Heat a big sauce pan that has a tight fitting lid until it is furiously hot. When it is hot you will need to work quickly. Add the butter then the mussels then place the lid on. Shake the pot to mix the mussels from the top to the bottom.

The mussels are ready when they have opened up. If you find some are not opening, prize them apart with some thongs or a butter knife.

Poor the wine, shallots and cream over the mussels and return to the boil. Voi La – simple as that.

Serve with some French fried potatoes and mayonnaise. The idea here is to eat the mussels then mop the sauce up with chips and mayo. So Belg. So Good!

Moules Mariniere

Moules Mariniere
Mussels with White Wine & Thyme

Ingredients
1kg of Mussels, 2 main courses or 4 entrees
4 Shallots finely diced
½ cup white wine
2 Tbs Cream
5 Sprigs of Thyme
Butter
Pepper

Mayonnaise
French Fries

In a sauce pan sauté of shallots with a little butter and the thyme. Add the white wine then reduce for a couple of minutes. Add the cream and set aside for later use.

Heat a big sauce pan that has a tight fitting lid until it is furiously hot. When it is hot you will need to work quickly. Add the butter then the mussels then place the lid on. Shake the pot to mix the mussels from the top to the bottom.

The mussels are ready when they have opened up. If you find some are not opening, prize them apart with some thongs or a butter knife.

Poor the wine, shallots and cream over the mussels and return to the boil. Voi La – simple as that.

Serve with some French fried potatoes and mayonnaise. The idea here is to eat the mussels then mop the sauce up with chips and mayo. So Belg. So Good!

Flamiche au Poireaux et Mimolette

Flamiche au Poireaux et Mimolette
Leek and Cheese Tart with Beetroot Salad

Short Crust Pastry
250g Butter
500g Plain Flour
100ml Tepid Water
Good Pinch Salt

Tart Filing
3 Leeks
1 Clove of Garlic
25g of Butter
3 Eggs
300ml cream
1 Cup Grated Mimolette
Salt & Pepper

Beetroot Salad
3 Large Beetroots
Vinegar (white or red)
Olive Oil
Water
1 Cup Continental Parsley Leaves
1 tsp Dijon Mustard

If you wish to make your own pastry, this will need to be prepared some time in advance, otherwise you can use a pre made bought product.

Start by sifting the flour into a mixing bowl of an electric mixer. Dice the butter and allow it to come completely to room temperature. Using a dough hook, combine flour, butter and salt until the mix has a similar consistency to bread crumbs. Add the water and continue mixing until a smooth dough forms. You do not want to over mix, as the dough will shrink when cooked, but allow all ingredients to come together as a homogenous dough. Remove from bowl and cover with cling wrap then rest in a cool place for about 2 hours.

After the pastry has rested roll out and lay into a greased tart mould. Place in freezer for about 2 hours before baking. If you are using a bought product you will not need to do this.

If you are using a home-made pastry you will need to blind bake the tart now. This means to cook the pastry without the filing in the tart. Line the tart with greased proof paper and fill with rice or pastry weights. Cook for about 15 – 20 minutes @ 180°. A handy tip, make sure you place the tart mould on a tray so as you don’t accidently push the bottom out leaving the sides on the mould!

Start to prepare the filling in advance as you want it cold when it goes in the tart. Leeks are fantastic at the moment as there at the peak of their season and wonderfully cheap. Dice leeks into 1cm square and slice garlic. Add butter to a saucepan then when foaming add the leeks. Over a gentle heat, continue to sweet the leeks for about 10 minutes or until they are beautifully sweet and fully cooked. When the leeks are cooked transfer them to a bowl to cool. Whisk eggs and cream together then combine leeks, eggs, cream and grated cheese.

After you have cooked the pastry, add the filing mixture to the tart case and bake @ 180° for

To make the beetroot salad, firstly boil whole beetroots starting in cold water. When you can pass a skewer through the beetroot they are ready to strain and allow them to cool naturally. Make a simple vinaigrette by combining vinegar and mustard, then whisking oil in gently. Add about 2 tbs of hot water at the end – this will stabilise the emulsion. Chop a handful a parsley and stir vinaigrette, parsley and beetroot together then refrigerate overnight.

Carbonade Flamande

Carbonade Flamande
Beef with Beer & Onions

1.5kg Diced Beef Shin
3 Large Brown Onions
3 Cloves of Garlic
2 Bay Leaves
4 Sprigs of Thyme
3 Stubbies of Strong or Dark Ale
Plain Flour
Olive Oil
Salt & Pepper

Baby Chat Potato
Chopped Fresh Parsley
Herb & Garlic Butter

Dust beef in seasoned flour (seasoned flour is just flour with salt & pepper mixed thorough). By coating the beef in flour then frying in oil you are actually making a roux. You will find you need about 1 cup of flour for this quantity of beef. Brown the dusted beef in a fry pan with olive oil. It will take about 1 cup of oil here also. Be careful to make sure there is enough oil to lubricate the pan well and your temperature is not too high that the flour will burn.

Peel and slice onions into a fine julienne. In a heavy bottom, oven proof casserole, sauté off the onions until they begin to caramelise. This will require about 1- 2 Tbs of olive oil and a small knob of butter. Sprinkle the onions with a little salt as they are cooking. This will enrich the flavour of the onions thus adding richness to the final product, without tasting salty. Add the cubes of smoked pork, thyme leaves, bay leaves and thinly sliced garlic then continue cooking gently.

After about 5 minutes add the beer. Carefully scrape any nice caramalisation of the bottom of the casserole. Add the browned beef and return to the boil. Once boiling, cover and place casserole in oven at 175°for 2 ½ hours.

Serve with crusty bread, Dijon mustard and boiled chat potato’s tossed in an herb & garlic butter. Garnish with chopped parsley.

Tapas and Fingerfood

The next few recipes are great items to prepare for cocktail parties or for an afternoon of tapas and wine.

Smoked Trout and Persian Fetta Pate

To prepare the smoked trout you first need to remove the skin and the bones. This is done by firstly peeling the skin gently away from the flesh the remove the fillet facing up first. Prize a knife along the back bone the gently start to peel the flesh away from the back bone and ribs. Once the top fillet is off, gently pull the whole skeleton away from the fillet lying underneath. Place the flesh of the trout in large mixing bowl and have a good check through to make sure you got all of the bones.

Strain the oil from the Persian fetta then crumble the cheese onto the trout. Using a fork gently stir mixture through until well combined.

Remove the seeds from the tomatoes then dice and add to the trout along with some finely chopped chives. Stir through capers and the lemon juice. Adjust seasoning, you won’t need much salt as the fetta and capers are quite salty themselves.

Serve with crusty bread or on a platter with the beetroot dip.

Ingredients
1 Smoked Trout
1 Tin Yarra Valley Dairy Persian Fetta
2 Shallots
¼ cup finely chopped chives
¼ cup of seeded finely dice tomato’s
2 Tbs Tiny Capers
Lemon Juice

Grilled Chorizo with Skordalia and Fig Balsamic

To prepare the white bean skordalia, roughly chop the bread and garlic then place into a blender. Chop the speck or keiserfiesch into small pieces then gently fry in a little oil until nice and brown, add this to the blender also. Blend all these ingredients until the consistency is similar to coarse bread crumbs. Add the strained beans and puree until the mixture sticks to the side of the blender.

In a slow gentle stream, add the olive oil until the mixture is smooth – approx. 75ml. Add the lemon juice and season with salt and pepper to taste.

Grill top quality chorizo whole on a BBQ or char plate. Cut into thin slices then spread a little of the Skordalia onto each piece. Place a sprig of Roquette and drizzle a little fig balsamic over each one. These are absolutely delicious as a finger food but would also go lovely with grilled lamb chops.

Ingredients
Top Quality Chorizo Sausage

White Bean Skordalia
1 Can Cannellini Beans
2 Loosely packed Cups of Stale Bread
2 Tbs Speck or Keiserfleisch (Optional)
2 Cloves Garlic
Lemon Juice
Olive Oil
Salt & Pepper

Fig infused Balsamic Vinegar
Roquette

Beetroot, Yoghurt and Sumac Dip

Drain the canned beetroots, discarding the juice and then place them into a blender with the garlic and sumac. Blend until all the ingredients become a completely homogenous puree. Add the remaining ingredients and blend well together. Serve drizzled with a little olive oil, a sprinkling of sumac and some chopped parsley. Use carrot and celery sticks along with some grissini to dunk.

Ingredients
1 Can Sliced Beetroot
2 Tbs Natural Yoghurt
1 ½ tsp Sumac
½ tsp Cumin
Garlic

Fresh Tomato and Basil Bruschetta

Cut the tomatos into quarters, remove the seeds and then finely dice. Place into mixing bowl and season with a little salt and pepper. Dice onion and finely slice garlic then add to the diced tomato.

Drizzle enough olive oil to wet the mixture along with a sprinkling of red wine vinegar. Chiffonnade the fresh basil and add to the salsa also. The basil should be cut at the last possible minute to keep its fresh flavour.

Thinly slice the sourdough then brush lightly with some olive oil. The bread can either be baked in an oven at 200° of grilled on a char plate. This will depend on where you will be preparing the bruschetta.

Present the salsa in a small serving bowl with grilled sour dough croutons on the side.

Chiffonnade is one of the precision cuts. This applies to leafy green vegetables and simply means sliced as thinly as possible.
Ingredients
6 Roma Tomato’s
1 Spanish Onion
1 Clove Garlic
Small Handful of Basil
Salt & Pepper
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Sour Dough

Alternative uses - Perfect to serve as a garnish for fresh grilled white fish such as Blue Eye or Harpuka or toss through cooked green beans for a lovely salad.

Asparagus, Prosciutto & Blue Cheese with Shallot Vinaigrette

To prepare the asparagus for grilling remove the bottom part of each spear cutting off the bottom quater or by breaking it at the snap point, this is the point where the asparagus will snap when bent. Wrap each spear in a slice of prosciutto, If using two small spears place together then wrap starting at the top then overlapping at the bottom.

Polonaise is simply breadcurmbs which are roasted with butter. For this blue cheese polonaise, rub butter, blue cheese and bread crumbs together with your fingers in a bowl. Make sure it is very well incorporated. Place a sheet of baking paper on an oven tray then evenly cover with mixture and roast until brown in a preheated oven at 175°. This will take about 15 miunute.

To make the vinaigrette, finely dice the shallots and combine with other ingredients in a jar and shake well. This will keep unrefrigerated for several weeks.

Grill the prosciutto wrapped asparagus on a char plate, BBQ or fry pan. Serve the asparagus on a plate, sprinkle with the blue cheese polonaise then drizzle a little of the vinaigrette over the top. Enjoy.

Ingredients
Asparagus (1 or 2 spears per person, depending on size)
Thinly sliced prosciutto (1 slice per portion)

Blue Cheese Polonaise
½ cup bread crumbs
50g unsalted butter
50g Blue Cheese (Gorgonzola, Roquefort etc..)

Shallot Vinaigrette
4 Shallots (Finely Diced)
¼ cup red wine vinegar
Fresh bay leaves
Cracked black pepper

White Gazpacho Jelly, Red Gazpacho granita, Gazpacho Salsa and White Anchovies

This recipe is a variation on something I ate at a Spanish tapas bar, Delicado Foods, in McMahons point NSW. If you are in the area this restaurant is not to be missed.

Ajo Blanco – White Gazpacho
Ajo Blanco is a traditional Spanish chilled soup. It translates as ‘white garlic’ and the idea behind this dish is to balance the warm pungency of garlic, the sharp acidity of vinegar and the milky nuttiness of almonds. Just for a little bit of flair, and thanks to Paul at Delicado Foods in Sydney for his idea, this Ajo Blanco has been prepared as a jelly. Like most soups, and definitely when preparing this as a jelly, make this a day or so in advance to allow the flavor to develop and the gelatin to set. If you intend to serve this soup solely on its own - perhaps as a starter or part of a lunch of tapas, simply leave out the gelatin. Garnish the soup with fresh peeled grapes.

Ingredients
2 Cups of Almond Meal
750ml Iced Water
3 Cloves of Garlic (Crushed in 1 tsp Salt)
1 Fist sized piece of Stale Bread (Soaked in water for 5 minutes)
60ml Sherry Vinegar
60ml Olive Oil
½ tsp Salt & Pepper
10g Gelatin Leaf

In a blender combine almond meal, water and garlic puree. Blend for 5-10 minutes until it becomes white with the consistency of cream. Add bread, vinegar, oil and salt & pepper then continue to blend for a few more minutes. Strain mixture through a fine sieve. This is the point at which you would stop to use the Ajo Blanco as a soup.

To prepare the jelly, soak 15g of gelatin leaf in cold water until soft. Squeeze out water and place in a pot over a gentle heat. Allow the gelatin to melt then slowly add the soup to the pot, constantly stirring. Refrigerate overnight in loaf tin and allow to set.


Gazpacho Granita
Normally gazpacho is a chilled soup also, made with peppers, tomato and cucumber. Granita is like a chunky sorbet. This here simply combines the two by freezing the soup whilst breaking with a fork to a product like a chunky slurpie. Like the Ajo Blanco, this recipe is perfect for making the traditional soup; simply don’t do the freezing part. Set aside about 1Tbs of each of these ingredients before they are processed to prepare your salsa later.


Ingredients
1 White Onion (chopped)
1 Green Cucumber (peeled, seeded and chopped)
3 Cloves of Garlic
3 Tomato’s
½ Red Capsicum (seeded and chopped)
2 Greed Capsicum (seeded and chopped)
300ml Tomato Juice
1 tsp Sea Salt & Pepper
40ml Sherry Vinegar
20ml Tabasco Sauce (optional)
125ml water
2 tsp sugar


Combine all ingredients in a blender and process until complete smooth. This may take 5 – 10 minutes. To serve as a soup chill for a few hours then serve.

To prepare the granita, place the mixture in a shallow dish then into your freezer uncovered for 1 ½ hours. After this time, break the mixture up with a fork until it forms a slurry. Repeat this process every half an hour for 2 hours. Ones this is complete, cover with cling wrap and continue storing in the freezer.


Gazpacho Salad/Salsa
To prepare the salsa simply finely diced about 1tbs of each of the ingredients used in the Gazpacho granita. Dress with a little vinegar and olive oil. This salsa would also be perfect as a garnish for grilled fish, a dip or as a bruschetta mix.


Garnish – White Anchovies, Grapes and Celery Leaves
Although I think that if you are going to go to the trouble to prepare this dish then you would be crazy to leave out any of these components, I do understand that garnish can sometimes be a bit of expensive fuss. Should you choose to omit the grapes, celery and anchovies the dish will still be beautiful.


Another possible deterrent to this particular garnish is that most scary of all the ingredients out there – “The Anchovy”. For all you non-anchovores there is something you must know. They are not just the little fury fish that you insist do not come within ten feet of your pizza. Anchovies come in many different ways including fresh and pickled. The anchovies used in this recipe are the pickled ones. Instead of the brown overwhelming salty fish flavor you may have had in the past, the pickled variety are much more delicate with plump, soft, white flesh that perfectly combine the of acidity of pickling and the flavor of the sea. If you have never tried a ‘white anchovy’, as they are known, then it is something you must do. Another interesting point regarding anchovies - they account for pretty close to 50% of all of the fish that we take from the sea in total each year!


Final Preparation
Take a heaped spoon of the Ajo Blanco jelly and place in the middle of the plate. Spoon a little of the granita to the side then sprinkle some salsa over the top. Dress the plate with some peeled and halved grapes, a couple of white anchovies and a few celery leaves. Enjoy!

Beef and Red Wine Stew

If I had to single out the greatest contribution the French have made to cookery it would have to be jargon. Take the humble stew for example. I can think of countless different terms the French would use to describe this classic staple. There are ragouts, fricassees’, blanquettes and casseroles just to name a few. And the French have rules for all of them. If the game has feathers - it is a ‘salmis’, if it has fur – they call it a ‘civet, if it is from Burgundy - it is a la Bourgogne - I could keep going all day!

Down under though, we like to keep things simple. A stew is a stew. But this recipe here, my beef and red stew, is not just any stew. It is the richest, most tender and basically the all round best stew you will ever eat. And with winter setting in fast there is no better time to enjoy classic slow cooked soul food.

Ingredients
2kg beef shin, diced
200g smoked pork (kaiserfleisch or bacon), diced
1.5 litres red wine
75g plain flour
75ml olive oil
12 baby onions, whole peeled
1 cup celery, diced
1 bunch baby carrots, cleaned and peeled
3 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
300g mushrooms, quartered
5 sprigs fresh thyme, no stalk just the leaves

The Roux
The first step is to make what is known as a roux. This is just equal quantities of flour and fat, the same as when you make a white sauce. For this recipe though it will need to be a ‘brown roux’, so as to add colour the stew. Add the flour and the oil to a heavy bottom saucepan and cook over a gentle heat until dark brown. Continuously stir to prevent it from catching and burning. You will know when it is ready as it will smell like pop corn or freshly cooked bread and be the same colour as almonds.

The Wine
It is up to you as to how much you want to spend on wine for this recipe but just remember if it is not good enough to drink; it is not good enough to cook with. Never use old or corked wine thinking it will be fine, it won’t be - I have used good quality cask wine as quite a bit is required. Now you are going to add the wine to the roux. When the cold liquid hits the hot roux it will bubble and thicken immediately. Add half the wine and whisk until very smooth then add the remaining wine, whisk and bring to the boil. The base for the stew is now ready to add the remaining ingredients.

The Meat
The best thing about slow cooked dishes is you can use cheaper cuts of meat and they will be super tender and flavoursome. Never use prime cuts, such as porterhouse or eye fillet, as they will be to lean and become dry. I think beef shin is the best for this dish and if you ask the guys at Norfolk butcher for Chris’ cut, they will know exactly what you need. Along with the roux, the rich flavour and colour of the final product comes from browning the meat really well.
Heat a fry pan and fry of the smoked pork. Use a slotted spoon to take the pork out so as you can use the fat in the pan to fry the meat. Season the beef with salt and pepper and then fry in a hot pan until dark brown all over. It is best to fry small batches at a time. You will need to add a little more oil though after each batch of beef is fried. Add this meat to the stew base.

The Vegies
As this recipe doesn’t use stock using what is known as ‘mirepoix’ will add complexity to the flavour. Mirepoix (mirror-pwa) is just a combination of carrots, celery and onions. Fry of the baby onions until they are brown, sauté the celery until it starts to sweat and add them to the stew. I am using baby carrots, so rather than adding them at this stage I will blanch them and add them to the stew at the end. The mushrooms, thyme and garlic can be just added to the stew raw.

Slow cooking
Slow cooking became a real icon in Australian cookery about 20 years ago when a group of people formed the ‘slow food movement’. This name came as both a tongue-in-cheek remark against the growing ‘fast food’ industry and a literal derivation from cooking food slowly. When food is cooked slowly for a long time, the toughest of fibres will break down and become tender. Sinew and fat will break down and become beautifully rich and gelatinous, which is why the cheaper cuts work best. If you are worried about eating too much fat, please don’t be tempted to use a lean cut for this dish, instead, I suggest having a salad for dinner the next night! This stew will take about three hours or so to cook but like any stew, it is best to cook it a day or two before, refrigerate and reheat when needed. Serve with Mash potatoes, green beans and a garden salad.

If there is any stew left over, the next nights dinner can be made by adding the stew to a saucepan with a little extra water and cooking it down until the meat becomes stringy. Cook your favourite pasta, I like to use pappardelle, and use the stew as a pasta sauce with fresh peas and parmesan.

Tattoo

Greatest Restaurant Review Ever

Hello Gastro Bloggers,

This review by Red Symons of Vue de Monde was published in The Age 2002. I post this simply because I loved it when I read it, I love it still and I hope you will too.

Tattoo


A journey up the food chain in the embrace of nouvelle cuisine

RED SYMONS , The Age November 26th, 2002

I arrived late, fearing a repeat of the great Sambucca disaster of '89. On that occasion, I had arrived late knowing that the others were avid drinkers and had sought to minimise the damage by joining them for a polite aperitif at the end of the meal. Subsequently, I drank the equivalent of two pints of draught Sambucca and enough flaming coffee beans to fuel a convoy of midnight truckers. I ended up with both the composition and cognisance of a sloppy tiramisu.

I arrived late, yet again, determined to keep myself nice. These were three committed luncheoneers.

There was the master of the perpendicular pronoun, who will generously add to any anecdote some rather more interesting observations of his own. He is the sort of person for whom walking on the moon was devised, just so there's one thing he hasn't already done better.

The lady at the table was the consort of notables and notable herself. The Phantom ring on her wedding finger suggested that her consorting phase had passed, if I am any judge of a death's head symbol.

The third was a very dear friend of mine, a manipulator of media best known simply as the evil one. Each is no stranger to the grape.

There was much decanting and small cutlery in evidence, indicating that I was not late enough. I consented to a light beer.We started with a single oyster that had died in its sleep, in its own bed, in its shell, as a result of being asphyxiated in a light batter. It had been ceremonially cremated in the deep fryer and its loved ones had left tiny remembrance garlands of linguini. The dish was garnished with the foam left by its last gasp. So was my companion's beard.

Next course was a terrine or, for the uneducated, posh meatloaf. It resembled offal-coloured neapolitan ice-cream, and comprised the liver of a goose, which had eaten in restaurants like this every day of its life, and a layer of jellied calves' tongues sandwiched in between. For those concerned with gourmanderie and knowing what to drink with a particular meal, know this: light beer doesn't go with anything.

We were still on the small cutlery and a crab omelette, the flesh wrapped in a thin blanket of duck egg. I believe the duck is chosen in preference to the chicken's egg largely because it is more bother, but perhaps the light beer and the ultra-milds were tainting my palate.

Three dishes in and every one was a triumph of taste and vision. An army of hands had arranged each perfect morsel on a giant plate. Each plate was a perfectly arranged morsel of abstract expressionism. I was getting the hang of this nouvelle cuisine meal deal now. You order by saying, "I'll have one of everything please". You start at the bottom of the food chain and work up, and so, we now moved from exoskeletal to vertebrate, from crab to salmon with a sliver of abalone just to remind us of the march of evolution.

The light beers were really starting to kick in now so my memory of what accompanied the fish is hazy. I have a dim recollection of goose fat, lentils and a bunch of stuff that is now extinct.

I ordered another light beer and a palate-cleansing dish arrived simultaneously - a zero sum equation. The dish was a single, battered anchovy - dwarf flake, no chips - with the contents of a tomato laboriously separated into component parts. There was a tomato tart the size of a giant postage stamp and a little dolly's teacup from which I learnt that tomato juice is a clear liquid.

I think it was during this dish that one of my companions digressed and had the pig's ear. I'm not joking, and it was crispy. Yes, the hairs got stuck in your teeth.It was time for the big finish and the big cutlery.

Wagyu beef is the Japanese variant whereby the cow spends a couple of years being shown a good time in the bovine equivalent of lap-dancing bars then, having been lulled into a false sense of security, has its throat slit. If beef is a marbled meat then this is Michelangelo's David - one bite and you're full.

I staggered out of the restaurant vowing to eat nothing but gruel till the end of my days. It was the most elaborate meal I have eaten in my life.The funny thing is I raided the fridge at midnight, the earliest I could face food again, and ate about half a dozen of the finest supermarket lamingtons I have ever encountered.

I know you're going to ask so - Vue de Monde and Tip Top.